


From the 45th Floor

by KeroseneShowers



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Coffee, Gossip, Implied Sexual Content, humorous maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 18:17:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2279883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeroseneShowers/pseuds/KeroseneShowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mysterious, scandalous emails are being sent to all Shinra employees and Rufus is at his wits' end about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From the 45th Floor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dendrite_blues](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dendrite_blues/gifts).



> what a great prompt, *sweats nervously* i really hope this is okay!

\--From the 45th Floor

_Happy Monday morning, ShinRa Inc. employees. Or not. That really all depends if you've had the cafeteria coffee today already. We all joke about it, sure, but I'm here to confirm that yes, it's imported, and yes, from the same manufacturer as the sludgy shit they sell down in the slums and at the Gold Saucer. Pinching pennies, aren't you there, Rufus? And I thought Daddy Shinra was bad._  
  
 _Let's start off slow this month. It's our first edition, and I've got a lot of dirt on a lot of people in this company. Starting with Mizz Vanity Penny-Pincher, Scarlet. She's finally back from her week-long vacation. "Vacation," they say, but sources tell me she's been recovering from a botched chemical peel. That's definitely not a sunburn from Costa del Sol, don't be fooled. Woman, you've got the money! Don't go to the Wall Market just because the prices are tempting. Or is Rufus not paying you enough? Shame._  
  
 _That's all for this month. Like I said, I'm just getting started. ;)_  
  
 _xx_

* * *

  
Tseng enters Rufus's office an hour into their work day, when he knows the man's had the chance to read his email and drink his premium _non-cafeteria_ coffee. Rufus beckons him in with a hand and Tseng decides on the best way to approach the topic.  
  
"Sir," he begins while he clears his throat. "Did you receive any... strange emails this morning?"  
  
If Rufus knows what Tseng is referring to, he doesn't show it. Rufus gives him a pointed look and shifts in his chair. "Now that you mention it. I received plenty of emails this morning, yes. About the company coffee. Something about the lack of quality in it." He idly taps a finger on his desk and continues. "I started drafting a response to quell the rumors that we import from the slums until Scarlet paid me a visit." He pauses. "Care to inform me about this?"  
  
Tseng nods. "It appears the email was sent to every employee with a Shinra account."  
  
"I didn't receive it," Rufus responds.  
  
"Spam?" Tseng suggests. Rufus dismisses the comment with a hand-fling, and Tseng continues. "It accused the company of serving slum coffee, and Scarlet of cosmetic surgery. And from the email's conclusion, it seems the person knows a lot more than what they've offered thus far."  
  
"A company tabloid," Rufus says. Tseng nods in agreement. Rufus brushes his bangs out of his face and looks contemplative, mulling over Tseng's words. "Both accusations are right, Tseng."  
  
"Yes," Tseng tentatively responds. "But they're subjects that have been heavily rumored on for months. Years, even."  
  
"True," Rufus says with a sigh. He glances at his computer before looking back at Tseng. "I suppose we shouldn't worry about it then."  
  
Tseng had expected this but he still asks. "Are you sure?"  
  
"I doubt this person has anything else on anyone. The only damage they've done is on Scarlet's ego, and I can't give a damn about that. I don't think it's anything we should spend time on."  
  
Rufus's attention is back on his computer. Tseng bows before he speaks.  
  
"Yes, sir."

* * *

  
\--From the 45th floor  
  
 _Happy Monday. It's been a month since our first issue, and as promised, I have more dirt on the sinful employees of ShinRa Inc. ;)_  
  
 _I haven't heard a peep about our beloved President Rufus acknowledging our first email. But I know a handful of you sent him inquiries about our coffee. Which is still the sludgy bullshit we've been getting for years, by the way. How unfortunate. Maybe these new revelations will get his attention:_  
  
 _1) Someone is siphoning Mako from the labs. And getting away with it. Don't worry, little SOLDIER, I won't give them your name. I'm impressed at how you keep sneaking in and out of those labs on the 34th floor between 3 - 4 PM every second Tuesday. Mister second-class SOLDIER, you._  
  
 _2) The space program may be defunct, but that doesn't stop the department from using the 19th floor as a place to gamble during work hours._  
  
 _3) Max and Ilana from the Robotics division are fucking. I don't think his wife Celia knows, though. Also in the Robotics division. Yikes._  
  
 _Until next month, ShinRa. Keep sinning, you little devils. Rufus. I'm waiting._  
  
 _xx_

* * *

  
"Tseng," Elena says as she pulls up the email. "They sent another email out this month."  
  
Tseng quietly reads the email over her shoulder, his facial features pulling into a frown as he delves deeper into the text. He straightens up when he finishes and Elena looks up at him expectantly. When they make eye contact, she chews on her bottom lip.  
  
"The third one... is true. I know that for sure."  
  
"How?" Tseng asks.  
  
"Reno told me. Okay, I know Reno isn't always a reliable source," she says when Tseng gives her a skeptical look. "But he's usually right about his gossip. The other two, I wouldn't know. But stealing from the science labs is a serious thing, right?"  
  
"It is," Tseng answers. "And this person's given us a small enough time frame to check the validity of the accusation. Actually..." Tseng trails off, and leaves Elena's office without another word.  
  
"Sir? Where are you going?" she calls, but she receives no response.

* * *

  
"Well?" Rufus asks.  
  
"We had to review security cameras," Tseng starts, "But we apprehended the SOLDIER."  
  
"And he's guilty?"  
  
"Drug test and a search in his home confirm that he's come in contact with more Mako than a SOLDIER usually would, sir."  
  
Rufus doesn't say anything for a while. He rubs his temples, eyes averted away from Tseng's.  
  
"Fuck," he eventually mutters.  
  
Tseng suppresses a sigh and starts providing him with the information they know thus far. "We're still looking into the second issue the email brought to our attention," he says. "The 19th floor looks abandoned, but we'll comb through security footage and follow through on the information."  
  
"Is it safe to assume this mysterious person has access to the security cameras?" Rufus asks.  
  
"It appears that way," Tseng says. "We'll also be looking into employees on the 45th floor, though I'm sure this person figuratively chose their title. The 45th floor houses all important documents."  
  
"Right," Rufus says with a sigh. He looks at his computer for a while, no doubt rereading the email that's sent Tseng and the Turks into interrogation mode. "Right," he repeats. "Keep this as discreet as you can. I don't want our friend knowing we're investigating his claims."  
  
"On it, sir," Tseng answers.

* * *

  
\--From the 45th Floor  
  
 _Finally got our dear Prezzy's attention! Our poor SOLDIER buddy's been discharged, and no one's heard from him in weeks. Turks must have snuffed him out. Employees under the Space program have also been running their mouths, saying their department is under investigation._  
  
 _I see you, Rufus. ;)_  
  
 _Our coffee is still sludge, though. Is that never going to be resolved, or...?_  
  
 _Anyway, I went through payroll papers, to compare salaries and whatnot. Secretaries make the least, 450 gil a week. Rufus makes the most obviously. Then it's_  
  
 _1) Tseng and the Turks - keeping your dogs well-fed huh, Rufus?_  
 _2) Hojo + Science dept_  
 _3) Heidegger_  
 _4) Rufus' secretary....? Wow, nice job. I don't think Rufus is fucking her though, but you can bet Reno has._  
 _5) Reeve_  
 _6) Scarlet + Weapons - No wonder she gets her cosmetic surgeries done under the plate...._  
 _7) Palmer_  
  
 _The rest is easy to predict. One interesting thing to note: Reno gets paid an extra 200 gil a month. I thought it might be because Rufus is fucking him, but after more research, turns out Reno gets extra for child support._  
  
 _Yes, ladies and gentleman. You've all fucked a daddy. ;)_  
  
 _xx_

* * *

  
"This shit's gone too far, yeah?" Reno says in Rufus' office. Rude, Elena, and Tseng are also present, though Reno's the only one sitting down. "We need to do more than just some idle interrogation, none of this tip-toeing around crap." Rude nods in agreement and Elena rolls her eyes.  
  
"We don't have any leads though," she argues.  
  
"Hell yeah we do," Reno snaps back. "Dude's got access to payroll? C'mon. Accounting. Investigate the accounting division."  
  
Elena snorts. "Not dude."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"It's not a dude. It's a woman. I don't think a man would type _Prezzy_. And judging from how she nailed you this month, I bet it's someone you've slept with." She rolls her eyes again. "Not that the fact slims the suspect list down at all."  
  
"Is this at all relevant?" Rufus finally speaks up. He's rubbing his temples again. "Tseng."  
  
"Reno might have a good idea actually, investigating the accounting division," Tseng says as he shoots both Elena and Reno a sharp look. Elena crosses her arms in defeat. Rude takes a step forward.  
  
"People are starting to talk more about this. Everywhere. On all levels."  
  
"You're telling me," Rufus bitterly says. "I have meetings with Tuesti, Palmer, and Heidegger lined up this week, and I know they'll all have to do with salaries and finances. What a mess. We need to end this. Now."  
  
"Understood," Tseng responds. Rude, however, presses.  
  
"Sir. I think it's important to note that whoever this is keeps mentioning coffee and acknowledgment."  
  
"Why would that be important?" Rufus flatly asks.  
  
"I think the longer you ignore them, the worse their accusations will get," Rude suggests.  
  
"They're already bad, yeah?" Reno answers with a snort. "How worse can they get?"

* * *

  
\--From the 45th floor  
  
 _Our fourth edition. Thanks so much for the support, everyone. I'm getting a lot of leads, so many people out there talking... spilling secrets. ;)_  
  
 _Rufus thinks I'm in accounting. That's cute. Try and sniff me out. You won't._  
  
 _Is that coffee changed yet? No. By now, I don't think anyone drinks that shit liquid. When can I get a good cup around here?_  
  
 _And though the Turks are out hunting for me, Rufus still won't publicly acknowledge my existence. Am I going to have to reveal one of your secrets, Mr. President? Don't think I won't. Don't think I won't reveal to your employees about your strictly sexual, polygamous relationship with those damn dogs of yours. How you and the boys welcomed Elena into the family with a nice office fuck. How you've been fucking Tseng since you were legal, adding Reno and Rude to the mix on your 22nd birthday. It's crazy how far these email logs can go, you know. Even if you think you've deleted them._  
  
 _Maybe I'm bluffing. Who knows._  
  
 _On a lighter note, Milly from the weapons department offered up her daughter as a test subject for Hojo, according to his recent email logs. And I thought I was heartless._  
  
 _xx_

* * *

  
"You have to address this now, sir," Tseng says lowly.  
  
"How in Gaia's name is this person getting this information?" Rufus mutters to himself. He looks up and glares at Tseng. "No one's told anyone?"  
  
"They all swear they haven't."  
  
"Reno's got a big fucking mouth on him. He must have--"  
  
"No. He didn't. He wouldn't."  
  
Rufus sighs and Tseng frowns, noting the exhaustion in the man's eyes. Tseng is tired, too. The email's leaked to the press. Newspapers, tabloids, and magazines, have bombarded them with phone calls and at the company lobby for more information on their seemingly taboo relationship.  
  
This has gotten out of hand.  
  
"There are no traces," Tseng reminds the other man. "No leads. We've investigated multiple departments at this point, and everyone is equally suspicious, more or less. Should we investigate higher? In higher positions?"  
  
"I need you to sniff this person out," is all Rufus says. "Do whatever it takes. We need to -"  
  
"We're trying," Tseng interjects. "But in return, you have to address this. Silence isn't an option with this."  
  
Rufus sighs.

* * *

  
from: rufus@shinra.org  
to: all  
subject: important: the 45th floor  
  
Good afternoon,  
  
It's been brought to my attention that someone in this building has been sending monthly emails, slandering members of this company, including my own name. I'm here to inform you, that nothing this person says is accurate. My Turks and I are in the process of investigating all departments, and we will find this person. This person is invading our privacy, and we do not condone this type of behavior at ShinRa Inc.  
  
Please take their words with a grain of salt. You will be caught soon.  
  
Thank you.

* * *

  
\--From the 45th floor  
  
FW: from: rufus  
to: reno  
  
Come up here and fuck me.  
\--  
  
FW: from: elena  
to: rufus, reno, tseng, rude  
  
Nearly took the day off. Soooo sore. :)  
\--  
  
from: reno  
to: rufus, elena, tseng, rude  
  
Fuck yeah you are. When we doing that again?  
\--  
  
from: tseng  
to: rufus, elena, rude, reno  
What have I said about discussing this kind of stuff via email?  
\--  
  
 _Take it all with a grain of salt, huh? ;)_  
  
 _Here's proof. And Rufus, you and I both know that some of these emails come with photo attachments._  
  
 _Look, here's the thing. I want nice coffee. The premium shit you drink. All right? There's my secret. I've risked everything, my life, my job.... doing this. For some good coffee. I really didn't think it'd go this far, Rufus. This has been so much fun._  
  
 _To everyone else: Scarlet's slept with Palmer before. Let that image seep into your head._  
  
 _xx_

* * *

  
from: rufus@shinra.org  
to: all  
subject: cafeteria changes

I'm pleased to inform that the cafeteria now serves coffee and tea imported from Wutai. Enjoy.  
  
Additionally, please ignore all press in the lobby, should you encounter any. Thank you.

* * *

  
"It's official," someone in the accounting division says the following month. "9 AM and nothing from the 45th floor. Such a shame, it really brightened my month, you know?"  
  
Another person nods. "I get what you mean. But it's kind of a relief, too."  
  
"How's that?"  
  
"Well, none of my secrets will get leaked now."  
  
"Oh yeah? You got any?"  
  
"You know Jordan? Security guard?"  
  
"Yeah...."  
  
"I blew him a couple times. In the camera room."  
  
"No kidding...."  
  
The second person laughs. "Right? Glad this person never found out though."  
  
"I'm just glad we won't have to do another investigation," the first person says. "It was getting too tedious, you know? I can't imagine anyone in accounting being this scandalous gossip queen or king. Hah!"  
  
The second person laughs, longer than they should.  
  
"Yeah... Me neither."


End file.
